Tuesday, 18 February 2014

I am moving!

My new blog is up and running now! 

Just to let you all know and I would absolutely love it if you all popped over and joined me in my new venture! 

Thank you for all your love and support throughout this blog. 

Come and say HI! 


Wednesday, 5 February 2014

I am back... AGAIN!!

Yes, I do realise that I have already said this before and I must admit it was short lived but I really do have a good reason for that... honestly I do!
It was a little special (get what I did there?) reason, I have had a baby!
AAAAwwwwwwww!!!!
I now have my little baby Jake, no not the cartoon on the TV and I have completely lost the plot, a real life little human being called Jake.
He is absolutely amazing and he has turned my world inside out and upside down in the most brilliant way! Even with all the sleepless nights and the sick in my hair, now that must be love!!
Oh don’t worry I am not writing again to gush about babies, babies and more BABIES! No, I am back to be honest (as always) and tell you how it is being in a newish relationship still, moving in with my partner and having a baby after being single for MANY years. Oh, and more or less cramming that into one year too!
I am currently doing a brand new blog, so I am moving in the bloggy world and I will let you know when it is all finished then I hope to see you all over at my new place!
I might need a cup of sugar after all!
Must dash as Jake is screaming the place down...little man comes first!
See you soon

Tuesday, 2 April 2013

Who said that romance is dead?

Really, are you really drying what I think you are drying with that clean towel?
OMG what the hell is that smell? That is not normal!! Open the window now! How is it even that funny? God, you beast!
Soph, you are never eating extra strong garlic bread EVER again, I think my face is melting off! Go and eat the whole tube of toothpaste because I cannot concentrate on a single word you are saying right now! Think I would rather have a sh*t in your mouth!

Yep, that’s love!
In the very beginning, when two people meet and fall in love then everything is like a Disney film. You will wake up and your whole room is full to the brim with cute animals all waiting to great you with the most glorious music you have ever heard. You then brush your thick long locks, powder your perfect white complexion and put on your beautiful over sized princess dress. You are ready for the day and to wait for your prince to arrive on his astonishing white horse. When he arrives to pick you up you go to the countryside, skip from log to log, sit under an apple tree and sing songs. He is the most wonderfully perfect man you have ever met in your life. You fall in love.
A few months down the line...
You wake up and your whole room skinks of farts and last night’s dinner! You try and put your face under the cover to hide from the smell but this is a no go area as it is 10 times stronger, this smell has been lingering for several hours and you have now disturbed it so either way you will smell the crap. You turn over to greet your loved one and see his crinkled ‘just woken up face’, with crusty eyes and morning breath. He looks at you and will see what resembles a dead cat on your head and panda black eyes. You will say good morning to each other followed with “that spot has got a white head now, want me to get it?” After a load of puss has joined the filth in your room and a few grey hairs have been plucked out of your head you are either ready to get up or shag! To be fair you are both a mess any way and if anyone wants to shag you looking like that then go for it!
You are still in love.
Being in love means you love each other for all your faults, farts and grey hairs! It still amuses me that in the beginning of a relationship you are on your best behaviour at all times and only slowly over time your true colours do appear then your friends and family are relieved the true you has appeared... “Do they speak Hollandish in Holland? And, there she is! Have you met Special Soph?”
If you are in the first stages of love and you think your boyfriend doesn’t fart, wee, pooh, snore, fiddle with his bits, walk around naked, play on the Xbox, watch the football or wants sex all the time then just give it another month or two and he will be farting in the car, with all the windows closed and thinking it’s the best thing he has ever seen in his life... trust me! In the beginning, the dating stages, all men must go on a date and as soon as they get home run into any empty room they can find, fart for England, have a good rearrange downstairs and speak normally again “Alright Rob, what’s the Man U score, get us a beer, I am going for a crap...”
But would you love them like that at first... Nah!


Love is being comfortable with each other and letting it all hang out and smell now and then! Look I am never saying I want to go out with a sloth or some old troll under a bridge and I want my man to look good when we go out (and he does) but at the same time you should see me now! Oh, boy! Big slippers, socks that don’t match, PJ bottoms, t shirt, odd jumper, hair scraped back and purple glasses... bloody hot!! The worrying part is that Special Si doesn’t even notice I am dressed like a blind clown half the time so he is either used to it now and really loves me or just picturing someone else! Just think if I had normal clothes on I would blow his mind... Yeah right! Sorry love but I am happy in my old slippers that slide to one side when I walk and have puffs of smoke coming from them!
It’s just me.

Monday, 25 March 2013

THE XBOX... Enough said?

When a girl wakes up and feels a hard object prodding her in the back she normally thinks one of two things that either her bloke is in the mood for some morning glory and is completely off track, half way up her back or he has left that bloody Xbox controller in the bed again! Well you do if you are an Xbox Widow.
Next follows with the loving whisper in her ear... something sexy? Even something romantic or offering her some breakfast made by his own fair hands? Nope! The whisper is “Are you still a little bit sleepy? If so, would you like to go back to sleep for a little while and I will just have a little go on COD?”
Good Morning Soph!


For any non geek people out there (and anyone that has a life) then COD is Call of Duty. A game that seems to be VERY addictive and makes men turn into boys. Also, makes them wear funny headgear and shout at the TV too!
Now, on this occasion I said “Yes, you crack on and play the Xbox and I will sit and observe (mock)” and that is what happened, followed by me telling all of you! To be fair I am not the only girly in this situation... am I?
So, he positions himself on the bed, this position is very important as he perches on the side on the bed and I have asked the question “why don’t you at least have some cushions and get comfortable?” but this is a no, no apparently! If he was comfortable then that would mean he wouldn’t move at all for several hours and this way he will only play for 3 – 5 hours. If it was me then personally I would get a comfortable chair, some cushions, a bit of chocolate, a drink, my phone and maybe some relaxing candles but hay what do I know? Them nice wooden sticks that smell of lavender? Oh, a massage chair! Yes, that would really hit the spot... literally!
Next the pilot headgear goes on. I will admit this is not a great look unless you are sitting in a real aeroplane and are about to take me to the Maldives. But you scarily get used to it quickly and it all blends into his head! We are talking big old earphones and a microphone that comes down (and also goes up too) to speak into. Now, I will warn all new Xbox Widows like me once this pilot headgear goes on you will then have no communication at all and you have to go back to the basic of sign language and don’t worry if you have never done Sign Language Level 1 course as you will think of some hand signs to do, believe me!
Your bloke is now in the Xbox bubble... I think this is the technical term?
You know what I could get my head around the headgear (sorry for the pun, actually I am not as I am bit proud) and the geekiness/childishness of it all but one part of the whole Xbox floored me! When do you ever find out that your boyfriend can type a whole message to his mate in the time it took my eyelids to come down, close and go back up again, technically called a blink? Well, you never do unless you witness the nerdiness its self! Oh, we are not talking about just typing like I am now... akufhsiudghsidgohrog ... no we are talking about selecting each letter separately then pressing a button (I don’t know what one! Not that dedicated to the post), then selecting the next letter and pressing that button and so on! You have to even move the bloody controller down to the space bar! He must have written this sentence is 0.3 seconds (to be precise).
When do you know someone has this skill? And when would you ever need this skill?
After he wrote his message ‘hi mate, fancy a little game of cod?’ he glanced over his shoulder at me and I gave him the L shape finger on my forehead. Yes the loser sign and I got a laugh back followed by him telling his mates (through the pilot microphone). I think I made my point, thank you.   
He then begun his game and apart from people getting shot, running around just killing more people and someone dying, I got bored and turned over. Now and then I would feel a vibrating sensation on me and any other time I would get my hopes up but no it’s just the controller adding more effect to the crap, sorry game. I am not sure how us girls are meant to fall back to sleep when all you can hear is “RUN YOU DICKHEAD...BUZZ...GET THE FLAG...OMG WE ARE WORKING WITH IDIOTS...BUZZ...RODNEY, WHAT YOU DOING YOU BELL END!!”
You see the Xbox can end in two ways either you are both still in love and he is getting you a lovely breakfast as you was such a great girlfriend and let him play OR you both screaming at each other as 5 hours have gone and you have done sod all!
To be fair I think the Xbox can be alright if I am chilling and doing my own thing too, as we all need our thing but not to the extreme of using up all hours in the day, getting nothing done and causing rows too!
Can someone please invent a new gadget for the girlies out there? Maybe the Ybox? As long as it dished out chocolate, Vodka, TV programmes on repeat and kept that little vibrating gizmo then I am sure we will all stop complaining so much...
Oh and for all the geeky people out there his gamertag is TFU DangerMouse... go on and say hello!

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

Anyone remember Special Soph??

Well hello there my little special people, I am back again and rather excited to be bashing away on my keyboard again!
For the special people that know me I do like to get straight to the point so why change a habit of a lifetime and GUESS WHAT??
Guessed?
Tough I will tell you! I am now in a fully blown, fully grown up sodding bloody lovely jubbly relationship with a real human being man!! We love each other and everything!! AND it will be a whole YEAR in May time!
“Well, blow me down” I hear and yes, I know!
As he is lovely (oh, come on and let me be a tad lovey dovey here), he has agreed I can share some of our stories into the wonders of a relationship and going from VERY single to talking about joint accounts (yep, really!)
I have kept some of my old posts on here so you can see the depths of my special mind for anyone that is new and fancies a wonder around.
If I can I will also rope Special Si (OK... no I am not kidding! This really is a match made in heaven as we are both special, both our names begin with the letter S and... That’s all I have) in to writing a few bits too!
You lucky people!!
Please stick around and I will let you into the wonders of my special relationship. A little tip for you, I am 31 this year and still living at home (with no kids) so you know what to expect.
Also, a quick hello to my lovely followers! I have missed you all and can’t wait to catch up!
Speak soon!

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Is this common knowledge?

You may notice that I am starting to repeat myself and asking the same question!

But I have had yet another special moment and feel I need to ask.

Right ok here we go!

Yes, I know what a Visa card is!

And yes, I do know what a Mastercard is too!

But golly I have never heard of a AmEx card before!!

Well...when you write it like that then it does jump out at you and screams AMERICAN EXPRESS CARD!

BUT when someone is saying it to you then, nope not a clue what UFO language you are speaking to me...

ME HOOOMAN! YOU AMEX UFO?

This is 'in my defence' bit now! I have never had a American Express card (really?!) and I have never taken a payment from one ether. So no you will not hear me saying "Oit love, where you put my amex card, I need some fags!"

And why is the AmEx card so special to have one less digit then all the rest? Oh who needs 16 numbers when you can have 15 numbers!

"Do I look fat with 16 numbers?
Oh yes a tad hunny, why dont you drop a number?
Super idea! I will have just have 15 numbers darling!"

Sorry...

And is it my fault I thought the customer was really special and gave me a card number that was too short?

Yes? Ok then.

I am seeing a pattern appearing here.

Lapel.

AmEx Card.

POSH.

I am off to go to the bog.

Loo roll?

Sunday, 4 March 2012

That black stuff!

I tell you what something freaky is going on.

This black liquid keeps appearing everywhere.

All my white drinks are turning black.

Even when I go to the pub and order a vodka it comes with this black sugary liquid, not sure what is swimming around in there!

I believe this black liquid goes by the name of COKE.

I only had one can.

One lovely bright red can full of sweet sugary bubbling black liquid...

I can no longer remember the day before the can day.

All my days were white and clear...and slow.

Now my days are black and fizzy...and WWWOOOOohhhhhHHHHoooo Bloody weeeeeee!!!!

Who said too much sugar was bad for you?

My eyes love to bulge out of my head and my voice enjoys being way too high!

8 working hours in a day! Give me 16 baby!!! 

I really...

Where is my black stuff?

Who drunk my fizzy heaven?

WHERE IS IT? GIVE IT TO ME NOW?!

I don't feel too good.